The Key Lime

ryannorth:

“My favourite Olympic Games were the 1904 Summer Olympics!  THERE CAN BE NO OTHER CHOICE.”

- you, every time someone asks you what your favourite Olympic Games were from now on.

Here’s why:

1. The marathon winner, Fredrick Lorz, got exhausted 14 km in, hopped in his manager’s car, drove the next 17 km until the car itself broke down, at which point he got out and jogged across the finish line and won first place
2. Dude WENT ALONG WITH THIS until he finally admitted it was a “practical joke”
3. Thomas Hicks, who actually won first place, got tired so he was given a shot of brandy with STRYCHNINE (yep, that’s the pesticide that’s fatal to humans) in it as a muscle relaxant, and then got tired again, so he was given a second shot of booze and pesticide.  He collapsed soon after crossing the finish line
4. “Strychnine is now forbidden for athletes”
5. Felix Carbajal showed up at the last minute, running in his street clothes on an empty stomach.  He got hungry, so he stopped racing to sneak into an orchard and steal some apples
6. The apples were rotten, so he got sick
7. Then he lied down and had a nap
8. Felix Carbajal came in fourth place
9. This year also had the first two black Africans to compete in the marathon, Len Taunyane and Jan Mashiani.  They came in ninth and twelfth.
10. “This was a disappointment, as many observers were sure Len Tau could have done better if he had not been chased nearly a mile off course by aggressive dogs”
11. George Eyser and his left wooden leg (he got run over by a train) won six medals including gold in vaulting, which at that time included “a jump over a long horse without the aid of a springboard”.  It’s not even a regular horse.  It is a long horse.
12. Events included Water Polo (in a pond where the water was so bad that many players got sick afterwards) and Tug Of War which is AMAZING, check out this Olympic-level tug of war:  

London if you want to impress me I’m afraid I’m going to need to see NAPS and APPLES and also UNAIDED JUMPS OVER LONG HORSES because seriously.

The Olympics used to be AWESOME!